I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
