You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
