well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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