Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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