I wish I could punch you in the face.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
