I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
