be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
