Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
