Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
