those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
