The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
