sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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