if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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