My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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