I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
