it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
