i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Congratulations! We have a period
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