kristin has been a bad kristin
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
