You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
