he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
