Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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