tonight lets celebrate not being married
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
