When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
