she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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