i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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