I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
