Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm at about main and main street
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
