I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
