you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
