i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bring me that man meat
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
