just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
