dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
