i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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