it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
