I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
