I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just google imaged poop.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
