my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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