So drunk its hurt
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
