You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
