just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
