i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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