I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
