I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
