I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
