Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
