She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
