Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You may now shotgun with the bride
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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