dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
