Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
