yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
