How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
