Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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