Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
