Your tits are I can't wait for
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
zippers are such a cool invention
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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