my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
