i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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