onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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