dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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