There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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