I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
