I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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