did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will be naked everywhere
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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