I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
